Motherhood is the most difficult yet rewarding job I've ever had.
Any of you who read my blog probably would have pieced that tagline together about me by now. However, now that my cute bundle of joy is more of a fragile, over sized Amazon package, let's just say some new challenges have arisen. Therefore, this piece isn't to celebrate the cute, rewarding moments of motherhood - no. This one's for us. So let's call a spade a spade. Let's talk about the #casualtiesofmotherhood.
Casualty #1: Loss of Time
Loss of time has got to be THE biggest casualty. Somehow a 24 hour day becomes 12, and the workload triples. And to those non-believers who think today's generation of parents are just poor time managers - think again friend! We plan, time, and coordinate everything down to the wire. And no I'm not just talking bedtime routines and feeding schedules. I'm talking about giving an extra 20 minutes for a walk to the gym that should only take 2 minutes, because somebody's chasing his shadow; Planning an extra 5 minutes in the mornings knowing that as soon as one foot's out the door for work, you'll have to turn right around because somebody just 'POOPED!'; 10 extra minutes getting out of the garage because somebody has crawled into the front seat to play with all the buttons; 15 extra minutes after somebody has mischievously turned his bowl of food upside down so he can yell "OHH NOO!"; and my personal new favourite - 5 extra minutes allotted during the morning diaper change because somebody has discovered his pee pee and screams bloody murder if he doesn't get to hold it like a grown-ass man to start his day. All of these moments, while hilarious in hindsight, add up to hours. So please, friends, co-workers, non-parents, don't judge us on punctuality. There are forces at work stronger than us.
Casualty #2: Your S.O.
The flame that once burned brightly between you and your significant other, will probably be all but outed. Your little one will require all of your attention. And yes, you will fight. You'll fight over your different styles of parenting; the scale will tip between good cop and bad cop; you'll roll your eyes at the division of tasks that aren't always so equal. But I promise you, a day will come, when you will regain your connection, and perhaps reach for your partner in bed one night ... only to find a slobbery, perpendicular, mass of hot mess in between you both. (haha, just kidding, it get's better I promise.)
Casualty #3: Clothes
Your clothes will be ruined either by food, vomit, or some other lovely bodily fluid. I suggest living in perma sweats at home, or becoming a nudist.
Casualty #4: Self-Care
R.I.P that cute girl you used to be, for just a little while anyway. I don't want to speak for all on this one because I've seen some fabulous looking mommy's (when I creep them online jealously). However, the mass majority of us may start to look like our mothers - hair in a bun, 5-minute make-up, any clothes that are still clean (see casualty #3), and cave woman eyebrows because who knows when last we got to our waxing lady.
Casualty #5: Privacy
This one's right up there with loss of time. Privacy of any kind, especially in the bathroom, is unheard of, because they'll finnd youu. They just don't have a concept of personal space. They want to see what you got and whether or not it's the same as theirs. I can't even knock this one because it's so damn funny. The silver lining here is I now have a prompt toilet paper tear-er and towel hand-er ready at a moment's notice. My only advice here is get up early, and get that solo time in before they're awake. And husbands? If the door is closed, stay out please. That's our personal hiding time, thanks.
Casualty #6: Your Home
My mom once advised not to invest in any expensive pieces for my home until my children were grown. Now I understand why. Laundry and toys are our new home decor, little food finger prints cover our walls, and yes I have literally shed tears for spilled milk on my freshly clean bed sheets. I've come to accept that cleaning with kids is like brushing my teeth with Oreo's. But it is what it is. I take solace in knowing that a messy home is usually a fun one.
Casualty #7: One of Your Arms
Because for years you will hold them in one hand as you cook, clean, put on make up, and do literally everything else with your other arm.
Thank God they're cute, huh?
We are strong, hear us roar - Mothers unite! ;)